The Phrases given by My Dad Which Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider failure to communicate between men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - going on a couple of days abroad, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I believe my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."